The Dog Days are Over

Enjoy these grad photos (since some of you can't access my Facebook)

Failure, and what it means

So I wrote an article for the Smith College newspaper...but, injustice! The end of my article was not printed clearly because of the printer. Here is the original text (but not touched by editors, for better or worse):

Commencement celebrates an admirable success: the completion of a thorough education at Smith College. This weekend, the college surrounds its seniors like myself with stories of success, tips on staying financially secure, and numerable inspirational ceremonies. Seniors clog Facebook, Twitter, and the Blogosphere with their excitement for the future. I, on the other hand, stare at the blinking cursor, trying to come up with a vague enough phrase to trick my friends at home into believing I hit it big time.

In a way, I have. This year I celebrate graduating from a difficult school, writing a History thesis, and completing Latin Honors. Yet I still feel bereft without that awesome internship, daring Fulbright, or graduate school plan that everyone else seems to have. And not from a lack of trying, because I applied to graduate school and I failed to get in. I shot for the moon and I landed right back on Earth.

At first, I swore I would tell no one that I did not get into graduate school. I concocted elaborate lies in my head that claimed I never applied in the first place. Everyone will tell you I am actually a terrible liar. So I chose the opposite route, telling people point-blank that I did not get accepted. By my last rejection, I had matured and accepted my fate as a failed graduate school applicant. I received the news of my friends’ success with genuine support and happiness. I even looked forward to the new life ahead of me. I found ways to celebrate my new life plan.

This attitude slowly crumbled. As I realized no one was having or admitting the same experience as myself, my self-confidence slumped. Where were the other people who failed? Why did not anyone else talk about rejection? Where were the Facebook statuses about lost opportunities? Why wasn’t everyone who failed loud and proud like myself? Is it because there is nothing to be proud about?

I am not one of those people who calls failure “destiny,” “fate,” or “God’s will.” No, I call it how it is. I did not achieve what I meant to achieve. Failure does not necessarily have to be a bad word, but I don’t think it is something to sugarcoat. In this case, I did not get what I wanted and it is not ok with me. Failure is not success by any other name.

The real problem with failure is that no one wants to admit they failed. I do not suggest that you push your sorrows onto everyone. But I do suggests that if someone asks if you got into graduate school or got the job you wanted, you can tell them “No” and that it really bites. You will get support and maybe a few cheesy quotes about destiny. Or you’ll find someone else who failed too and you can commiserate. And then, you can move on.

So, post on your Facebook or Twitter, “I don’t know what I am doing.” Tell your girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s grand parents, “I didn’t get that job I wanted.” I assure you, there are plenty of people who feel the same way. Failure becomes the ultimate bad word, a status that some accept as even impossible. Failure is real, but like success, it is transitory and is difficult to define.

Any of my friends or family who reads this article will be appalled that I identify myself as a failure. They do not see the small mistakes, the lost opportunities, and missed connections. And I appreciate their unconditional support, because it is extremely rare. But I want to remind them to resist the urge to comfort me. I realized that, at least for right now, failure is the best option for me. 

Thesis Cats

The Beginning of the End

Hello,

Well, to say it has been a long time would be an understatement. But I'll say it anyway: it has been a long time. Since I last wrote you I have:

-wrote my seminar paper

-had my last day of college classes

-had my thesis defense

-turned in my last English paper

-finished my last undergraduate Arabic class

So obviously, that is a lot. The only piece that really concerns all of you is my thesis defense. The defense went well, though it is difficult to assess myself. I had a lot of support from my friends and their attendance was much appreciated. I gave a small, 15 minute presentation and then my two readers launched many questions at me. The questions were tough and it is perhaps the most academically rigorous moment of my life so far. The experience was stressful and pretty emotional. The defense is really the last hurdle in terms of finishing up this thesis process.

I plan on uploading my final draft to the library tomorrow after proof-reading it one more time. Many thanks to Ellen Cormier for catching some of my errors. 

So, if you want a copy of my thesis please email me at: lilliebette@gmail.com. I will send you the PDF. Obviously, you can ask questions about it. And also obviously, I may be too tired to answer them.

The most popular question of my life right now is this: what are you doing after graduation? Here is the quick answer:

-Taking a road trip with Sam during the summer

-Moving to DC to find employment

Both of which are fairly exciting....

In fact, this blog will be transforming yet again! I will use it as a road-trip blog for Sam and I. I am taking title suggestions and I hope you will follow us perusing America. If you live on the East Coast, we would also love to see you. I would love suggestions for weird, strange secret places.

Thanks again for all the support.

Best,

Liz

A Long Term Plan

Hello All,

It has been a long time since I last wrote. But, to be fair, not much has been happening. At the moment my thesis is getting its final edits before I start finishing up my draft for its final submission. So keep your prayers in my favor/fingers crossed/wishes @ 11:11, whatever works.

In terms of grad schools, here is the current update. Berkeley said, "No thanks." And I have not heard back from Georgetown or Austin. I should hear back by mid-March, but who knows. I heard back from Berkeley much much earlier than expected.

In other news, I have officially started my seminar paper, which is a 25-30 page paper for my seminar class, "Historiography in WWI in the Middle East." Here is my seminar proposal:

            My research aims to answer the following questions; were there conflicting visions regarding Great Britain’s colonial role in the Mesopotamian region? If so, who expressed them and how? Did Great Britain’s other colonial roles, such as in India, influence these opinions? How did these conversations shape the ultimate formation of Iraq? In addition to answering these questions, I will discuss the influence of these conflicting visions on historiography in the Middle East. For example, did the “winning” vision receive the most representation?

             I will approach these questions through examining correspondence between various consuls and foreign offices, reports from secret service officials, and publications such as articles regarding England’s role in the region. Some officials and “spies” of interest include T.E. Lawrence, J.G. Lorimer, Gertrude Bell, and Mark Sykes.  The time period begins in 1913, in order to examine the response of the Baghdad Residency in the lead up to the war. My research ends in 1917 with the Treaty of Paris. Through analysis of this treaty, I hope to conclude which vision of England’s role conquered. 

I think it will be fun! Right now I am looking through some primary sources about the railway in Baghdad back in 1900s. I enjoy reading about this region in WWI, because sometimes the intense European focus is irritating...considering they call it a WORLD war for a reason.

I thought I would provide this link. It regards the ruling on that murder in the Marie-Claire article I provided a few months back. I think the ruling is very interesting to say the least. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Anyway, I hope to keep this blog going this summer when Sam and I road trip to Cape Cod. A post-collegiate adventure, if you will.


Best and stay warm,
Liz

Right as Rain

Hi all,


Please enjoy this article sent to me by my friend Ally.


Best,
Liz

Introducing Palace Players

Happy 2011!

Back at school for January term, I face the daunting task of writing my introduction for the thesis. My adviser constantly tells me that the introduction is the most difficult, anxiety pulling, and frightening section to write. So far, it seems like it will be tough. This post will be used to merely free-write and explore what I want to say. For those still sticking with the blog and reading it, I commend you. I have more plans for this blog in the future so stay tuned......

Notes for an Introduction

This thesis explores the consequences of the book Forbidden Love/Honour Lost written by Norma Khouri. In this book, Khouri tells her "true" story about the honor killing of her best friend Dalia. Dalia and Norma consider themselves visionaries regarding Arab women. They believe all Arab women live in a universal hell created by their culture, Islam and Arab men. These factors hold them back. Instead of leaving, the spend their times deceiving the system. Still living with their families, a factor they resent, they open a hair salon. While at the salon, Dalia meets a Christian man named Michael who she fancies. Excited with the prospect of setting up Dalia and Michael, they further deceive their family to allow Dalia and Michael time together. Eventually, they are found out and Dalia is killed by her father. Khouri is outraged and escapes to Greece with the help of Michael. Apparently, her country and her parents are threatening to kill her.

The book is dominated by a superior tone. Khouri believes she is right, that the Freedom of the West is the freedom that the Arab world needs.

This story is a lie.

The book sold over 20,000 copies in Australia. It was translated into 15 languages. Khouri went on tours around America and Australia promoting her book. Arriving in the post-9/11 climate, the insight the book provided about Arab women and the Arab world was consumed greedily. She could not have published this book at a more critical point for a successful reception.

Confessional memoirs are not a phenomenon. Even memoirs regarding honor killings. There are several. Perhaps the best example is Burned Alive written by an anonymous author who claims she survived having her entire body burned. Several themes reemerge. There is the note of barbarism of the Arab life which is promoted and controlled by the brutal males. Furthermore, there are sections that are written from the UN worker that "saved" her. This also introduces a very Westernized tone, one that suggests the necessity of "saving" Arab women.

So this book has a lot of issues as well including debates on its truth. But why do I focus on Khouri? Why is her controversy worth exploring? For several reasons.

 1. The response: The book was well received. It got a lot of reception, received a lot of fanfare.
2. The political climate
3. The reflection of Khouri's language in the news media
4. The rising importance of the Arab Woman for the United States
5. The damage in Jordan
6. The books potential use as a collective memory for the political climate

What I aim to explore in this thesis is the possible value in Khouri's book. Although it caused a lot difficulty in Jordan, it represents a certain agreed upon collective memory regarding how the United States in particular viewed Arab women. A memory we agreed upon by publishing articles and increasing the dialogue about Arab women. Since Khouri spent most of her life in Chicago, she saw this dialogue, she absorbed it and she published it. This is my speculation.

Is it a worthy document to study? Can students in the future learn from it?

To truly understand this issue, we need to dissect honor killings themselves. We cannot accept Khouri's definition, but rather must look at them more substantially. Then we can see the contrast in the rhetoric about honor killings and see the mistakes. We can understand why Khouri represents them.

Also, we can see this book as a new type of colonialism. It is an invasion, an affront. Much like colonizers of the past chose to moralize their missions, this book justifies itself by a moralization of the countries policies. It disrupts the country and makes further divisions. It accomplishes nothing in the way of decreasing honor killings.

***********************************************************************************

Alright everyone. This was just a moment of writing it all out, without stopping until I ran out of steam.


I ran out of steam!

Best,
Liz